Now that you’ve thought about which vendors mean the most to you and where you will devote most of your planning energy, it’s time to think about something that can be stickier than a mouthful of peanut butter: THE FAM. Not just your family, but also your spouse’s family, your collective group of friends, your coworkers, strangers on the street, and basically everyone on the internet with an opinion.
Here’s the thick of it: as much as you may want to, YOU CAN’T PLEASE ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME. When you are in a situation fraught with complicated family history, sensitive feelings, unrealistic expectations (not your own) and plenty of unsolicited advice, things can get stressful for you in a hot second.
The best thing to remember is that this planning thing is the beginning of your love story as a married couple. Try to find ways to make it as fun of an adventure as possible for YOU (the couple in the middle of it all!) and that will set the tone for the whole day.
However, there’s good news: everyone loves a bride/groom/celebrant! Now more than any time in your life, you can get away with having things your way. It may not be easy, it may take a little self-talk, it may take some pulling on those theoretical boot straps (it may even take a few bottles of wine), but you can do this. We have faith in you! Here are some common scenarios and some options for dealing with them:
- ISSUE: Your partner is not interested in helping, but you want them to be more involved.
- Put some thought into it and explain clearly what you mean by “involved.” Do you want them to have input on every single decision, or just the big things? Provide some examples of things you can’t imagine doing without them, such as picking out the venue, while reassuring them that you won’t expect them to weigh in on specific details, like your bouquet or the font on the place cards.
- Find some aspects of planning that your partner is interested in and start with those. Someone who may not get a thrill from picking out table settings might be over the moon to talk tech or music with the DJ! On the flip side, someone who is not great with planning things might do better with a repetitive task, such as putting address labels on invites, or wielding the scanner while you register for fun stuff.
- Be willing to compromise. You may have to do some things on your own (or call in your troops of friends and family) and that’s ok too. Determine what really matters to you and make sure to let your partner know that those things are a big deal to you.
- Express your appreciation…remember that this may not be something they enjoy at all, and the help they are doing is for YOU! A thank you goes a long way!
- Put some thought into it and explain clearly what you mean by “involved.” Do you want them to have input on every single decision, or just the big things? Provide some examples of things you can’t imagine doing without them, such as picking out the venue, while reassuring them that you won’t expect them to weigh in on specific details, like your bouquet or the font on the place cards.
- ISSUE: Your partner is waaaay more interested in helping than you want them to be…and it’s driving you crazy!
- Compromise is going to be your friend here. Decide what things aren’t ‘make or break’ for you and ask for input and help with those things. You may end up getting some good ideas you hadn’t thought of!
- Communicate if there are certain things you’ve dreamed of your whole life, or certain details that you really want to maintain as you’d imagined them. Try not to pick every single thing as ‘your thing.’
- Give them a project! As big and complicated of a project as you can think of to make sure they are involved and feel like they are being helpful, or things you know they’ll love. Some ideas: guest transportation, groomsmen gifts, fun socks for the guys to wear, favors, signature drinks…the list goes on and on!
- Compromise is going to be your friend here. Decide what things aren’t ‘make or break’ for you and ask for input and help with those things. You may end up getting some good ideas you hadn’t thought of!
- ISSUE: You want to do everything yourself, and everyone keeps offering help, sending ideas, dropping things off, etc.
- Communicate that you absolutely love doing the planning, crafting, or whatever it is you want to do solo, and that it’s a labor of love for you. I was a very independent DIY bride, and I know that it can be difficult for someone else who loves group activities to understand that you really don’t mind doing crafting for 6 hours alone. However, helping them to understand that this is truly what makes you happy might appease them and ensure that they do not feel like you are intentionally leaving them out.
- Have a list of things that you are comfortable delegating out. The closer you get to the wedding date, the more tiny tasks that will pop up and errands that will need to be done. Make a list, and every time someone asks, give them something. If they were only asking you to be nice, trust me-they won’t ask again.
- Communicate that you absolutely love doing the planning, crafting, or whatever it is you want to do solo, and that it’s a labor of love for you. I was a very independent DIY bride, and I know that it can be difficult for someone else who loves group activities to understand that you really don’t mind doing crafting for 6 hours alone. However, helping them to understand that this is truly what makes you happy might appease them and ensure that they do not feel like you are intentionally leaving them out.
